Science Fiction Narrative 1

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Science Fiction Narrative 1

Postby XKYing2012 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:00 pm

Please let me know how you like this one. It's only a short story for school (again :wink: ) Comments about how to improve it would be very nice.
This one is where conflict between characters in the main focus of the story.
There will be another one where challenges set by setting is the main focus, and a third, which is a script for an interview between Andrew Denton from Enough Rope and one or more composers of a Science Fiction texts/movie.

This is the 1st one, and is 914 words. I need to edit this one...it doesn't seem too good to me.

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She stayed in the crowds whenever she could, walking alone if she needed to, and always in the shadows. Her mind had one objective: get to the Silver House without getting caught by Security. As far as she knew, she needed to get access to the security database and change the mainframe in a way that would get her control over all the Security bots. Humans weren’t allowed to be guards for such an important job, and Security was the only job where robots protected robots. In the 30th Century, humans were disposable and robots were not, so all the dangerous, dirty and immoral jobs were given to humans. This was especially true in the Kapitol, the heart of the B.O.T government.

She slipped past the various update stores and robot restaurants, towards a mouldy wall which marked the edges of the Kapitol. She lifted her hood to show her eyes, which were promptly scanned by a blue light. The edges of a portal appeared from the wall, and she walked it and into her lab. There were no androids, robots or computers around to help her, as they were all connected to the B.O.T’s security agency in some way, in case of rebellion. In a way, it made the girl’s attack on the government less expected, but it sure made it more prone to human error and mistakes, which slowed down progress by years. The girl grabbed her weapons: a multi-cable, an assasipin and its trigger, and magnet with a set of bombs, just in case. And with that, she went through the portal again, which silently closed behind her.

The girl followed a pretty, handsome android, but then again, any human that seemed too beautiful or well-off to be true had to be an android, or someone rich in this time of robot rule. Usually it was the former. The girl ended up outside a stylish gate, decorated with engravings of past robots. She grabbed the multi-cable in her bag, preparing to disable the gate shield that only allowed certain eye codes in, and smiled. Her plan might just be easier than she thought it would be. But when she looked up, the android suddenly turned around and looked directly at the girl, his calm agate eyes staring her down.

For the first time since her choice to fight the B.O.T government, the girl felt trapped, for those eyes held more power and wisdom than humans could ever get. This droid was no ordinary one; she should have noticed that immediately. She had spent every day of the past years throwing electroblades at a poster of his face as she planned her attacks. It was the head robot, DeBottere, President of the B.O.T government. The girl would’ve kicked herself for such a stupid mistake, but unwaveringly looked back at him.

DeBottere smiled with more contempt than the girl imagined a robot could express . He looked down on the girl, and she her face grew redder than the dying old sun. Somehow, the girl drew up her dignity and thought fast. How she wanted to spit in face, and see his face scrunch up in disgust, but she didn’t. Instead, the girl smiled. Maybe…

She took out her hand in the way people from the 21st Century did when greeting people. That was enough to set DeBoterre off. His perfect face grew dark and silver, and his slim arms shot out towards the girls neck. But she was prepared for the attack that she knew would come. The girl grabbed the pin, slammed it into just under his left eye, and took a step back. The android didn’t even flinch, and the arms kept reaching out for her. Despite that, she didn’t panic, and did exactly what she had planned to do if she bumped into Debottere.

She ran, the bright lights of the town turning into a colourful blur. But even with her speed, she felt a gaze drilling into her back, then fell onto the asphalt face first, scraping her cheek. But the pain on her face was not nearly as much as the crater on her back. A puddle of blood soaked her shirt and began spreading around her, but she still reached for the trigger for the pin. Using her last reserves of energy, the girl jabbed the button.

In the Silver House, DeBotterre was attending a discussion about whether they should raise the human’s cost of living, so that the remaining ones in the city would leave or die in debt. His B.O.T party was aiming to enhance the robot population and eradicate the human population at the same time. They had considered nuclear bombing the Kapitol and its sister city Citadel as all the robots were made of nuclear-immune materials, but that would have to wait. Shame, it was what DeBotterre had wanted most.

“We might need to take more drastic measures”. The whole party turned their heads towards their leader.
As the handsome android opened his mouth to present his suggestions, his left cheek began to burn. Within seconds, DeBotterre, leader of the B.O.T government, joy of all robots, hatred of all humans, exploded. The shock wave of the pin bomb was such, that the discussion room was burnt to nothing, not even a cinder.

The girl heard the explosion, and died smiling, her job done. Now, humanity had a chance to rebuild their lives, and it was up to them whether to take it...

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XKYing2012
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Re: Science Fiction Narrative 1

Postby XKYing2012 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:48 am

Ello ello???? :( no-one likes it?????? Why isn't anyone answering??
XKYing2012
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Re: Science Fiction Narrative 1

Postby XKYing2012 » Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:23 am

Ok. so does no one like it at all??? Because as far as I know, people do visit this forum.
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Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:58 am


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